The Beginning of Healing from Child Abuse part 2

I'll never forget the day she drove up in my sister's driveway. I was a nervous wreck, and so overwhelmed that I went into the bathroom and locked myself in there for forty five minutes faking a shower. I was a trembling, sweaty mess. Finally , i said to myself, "you're the one who said yes to this meeting, get out there". I took a deep breath and still trembling, went out and said " I do not want to talk about what did or didn't happen as a child".

I found a little comfort in the fact that she was as frightened as I was. This was the first time in my life that I said I would do something and did it.

I lived with her for a month because I thought that would be a good way to see if she was as I remembered. I also thought that at the end of that month I would just let her have it, and hurt her the way she had hurt me, but as the days passed I learned that she had a lot of mental problems. She was also into religion, "Jehovah Witness" need I say more. I realized that even though she gave birth to me she stopped being my mother when I was born. she carried me for nine months, but when I was born she was no longer responsible for me. She didn't know how to be a mother. she didn't know how to be a person. I found myself felling sorry for her, I didn't want to, I wanted to hate her, but I couldn't. I wanted to hurt her, not physically,but mentally. Even if I would have tried she wouldn't have understood.

At the end of that month I sat her down and tole her, "you know, you gave birth to me, but that was when you stopped being my mother, and I your son. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm going to leave, and live my own life for me. I don't belong here, I'm not your son, you're not my mother. I forgive you for whatever part you did or did not have in my life, and I hope you forgive me! I left and have never gone back.


I then went back to my father's house and tole them that I was leaving and the reason was because it was to painful for me to wee them hurting themselves and each other because of the alcohol. I told them